Birthday Dinner

My family likes to go out for fancy dinner's for birthdays. My dad started the tradition because he has a deep love for steakhouses. For the last year or two of birthdays we've been going to expensive steakhouses for birthdays as a family. Here's the deal though, I DON'T LIKE STEAK! I know, I'm crazy.. but I'm not a huge fan of red meat. It's also unfortunate to go to a steakhouse, because often they have seafood, which I also can not eat due to allergies. This year, my parents -knowing I don't like going to the steakhouse- decided I can PICK the place to eat at. After much debate, checking out nutritional information I came up with one conlusion:

The closest Chipotle is an hour and a half away, And it will be the BEST drive ever knowing that my burrito bowl is the end goal!!!
My love for Chipotle began when attending a college in MN because the campus cafe was closed Sunday Nights and so we ate out. Pizza gets boring quickly, but Chipotle... never gets boring!! =)



Fight Like Hell

Yes, I just said Hell. Take a deep breathe and chill for a second!
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Recently I have been thinking about spiritual warfare and how it plays out in my day to day life. And this is the conclusion I came too, it's time to 'fight like Hell' against Hell. For the thousands of years humans have been alive Satan and his 'fallen angels posey' have been actively pursuing one goal... to seperate us from God. He's been relentessly attacking individuals. He never sleeps, never slumbers.  And unforunately for him, the secret to overcoming his attacks are the same. We must actively pursue one 'goal'.... Christ. Never sleeping, never slumbering, relentlessly pursuing Christ with our whole hearts. 

What good is it for a man to gain the whole world, yet forfeit his very soul?--Mark 8:36
“Thy word have I hid in mine heart, that I might not sin against thee.” Psalm 119:11

TWLOHA

I visited your grave today. I miss you. <3 you baby cuz.

Happy, Healthy, Whole

Recently, I've been giving a lot of thought to who I want to be. I enjoy evaluating my life because it helps to refocus the future and as a soon to be college graduate in December... I need some FOCUS!. I threw out 5 year plans a long time ago, and this is why. I plan, replan, change my plan, keep planning, etc. and the whole time LIFE is passing. It's time to accept I can't always plan what I'm going to be doing in 5 years. Careers will change, my relationships will change, my location may change, etc. Rather than asking what I'm going to be doing in 5 years, I've started focusing on who I'm going to be in 5 years. We're not going to stay the same, and that's a good thing. Not that I'm not an amazing person, because I am ;) , but we ALL have room for improvement and I for certain am not an exception to this rule. So who do I want to be? I want to happy, healthy, whole.
HAPPY - Emotional
Our emotions play a huge part into who we are. They can either empower us or stifle us. Positive Self-Talk sounds rediculous, but it's honestly how I try to live. I'm really good at it in some areas of my life, but other areas I'm such a Debbie Downer it's rediculous!! I puff up my strengths rather well, but my weaknesses I have a hard time finding positives about.
HEALTHY- Physical
Hello, my name is Amanda... and I am a recovering compulsive eater. Aaaaahhhhhh.. so freeing!
Being obese makes you feel like crap physically it also makes you feel like crap mentally.
Recently I became part of an accountability group for healthy lifesytles and it's been great! While losing weight is great, it's really about feeling healthy and loving myself! And I really am striving to figure out the reasons behind my compulsive eating and working towards recovering so I can be a healthy individual!
WHOLE- Spiritual
speaking of addictioins, there are still areas in my spiritual walk I wrestle with. Letting go and trusting God sounds easy, but those deep rooted 'things' are the hardest to trust God in. As I continue to strive everyday to overcome the things that weigh me down, I remind myself I AM an OVERCOMER!

HAPPY, HEALTHY, WHOLE. It's what I'm striving for in my life.  <3

P.S.......

Waiting/Transitions

In between connecting all the great moments of life are these amazing periods of transition (or as I like to call them 'waiting time'). I'm an antsy person, so on a road journey I'm the type of person who just wants to GET THERE! Forget the little stops along the way, keep rolling! That's probably why I don't like to travel with my people. I like to plan out my route, conquer each obsticle, and arrive as quickly as possible. The problem is I look at life the same way. I'm always planning (because life never stops or slows down) always remaping around obsticles, but because life is always moving it sometimes feels like never really going anywhere. It's that time of anticipating the awesome things God's going to do that I always get antsy in. What is the God of all creation planning? What are the next 5 years, 10 years going to look like? Even though I have no control over some areas, I plan them anyway, replan, and often replan about 50 billion more times. Oh tomorrow, you whom never come. Oh tomorrow, you whom I am always waiting for.
Today I started to wonder, what Have I been missing today while focusing on tomorrow? I decided probably a lot.
So here's to TODAY... because I'm starting to realize even transitions have beautiful moments.

another day

Tonight I feel particularly sad. Nothing really happened to make me sad persay. I was reading a teen's poem on Facebook and it got me thinking about my cousin who passed away recently.
The reality of eternity is sometimes a little overwhelming. Love you baby cousin. I wish I could give you a hug. You always gave the best hugs...

Lessons from Jonah (pt. 2)

"Now the Lord had arranged for a great fish to swallow Jonah. And Jonah was inside the fish for three days and three nights. Then Jonah prayed to the Lord his God from the inside of the fish.." Jonah 1:17- 2:1 NLT

Did you catch that... Jonah was in the belly of a fish for 72 HOURS before the bible says he prayed. I wonder, was this the first time in those 72 hours Jonah prayed, or was this specific prayer important? I don't know for certain, but it definately got me thinking.

How many times do we wait to pray?

When everything is going great do we still praise God and talk with him daily, or just when things are hard?

When things do get hard, because we know that trials will come, is the Lord the first one we turn too?

Personally, I know I've turned to other people before God. Called every last person in my phone, no one answered of course, and then crying out LORD, I'M ALONE... All the while I can invision him looking at me saying "really Amanda, because my line is never busy." We often underestimate how much God truly cares for us and desires for us to tell Him what is going on in our lives. He wants to be our 'best friend' but if we don't talk to Him often, how can the relationship stay strong?

Or is it Pride that keeps us from calling out to God first?

As rediculous as it sounds, being the stubborn person I am, I always try to handle things on my own first. Bringing God areas of my life I'm imperfect at shows my weakness... or so I thought. The reality is in our weaknesses, the Lord shows His strength. If we were able to 'fix' our own lives and be perfect, we wouldn't need Jesus. (And Oh How I need JESUS!!! I'm greatly looking forward to heaven when perfection is possible!)

Chapter two wraps up with God hearing Jonah's prayer and odering the fish to spit Jonah out onto a beach. (yes, I'm aware how gross that is...) But the beauty is in the fact that even despite Jonah's disobedience, God still cares for Jonah. As Jonah realized the Lord is in charge and the director of our lives, God gave Jonah a second chance to do what Jonah was called to do, prophesy in Ninevah. The Lord is a God of second chances. It's amazing that He cares that much for us. When we repent and truly have remorseful hearts, the Lord-in his grace and mercy- forgives us. Praise God he doesn't just let us die in the seas (troubles) of Life!

Lessons from Jonah (pt. 1)

Jonah (http://www.biblegateway.com/passage/?search=Jonah+1&version=NLT)

As I was reading Jonah this week and have been pondering over this story I have known for quiet some time, I have some thoughts I would like to share. Today I will focus on three truths from Chapter 1:

1. God told Jonah to go to Ninevah, and instead Jonah diliberately went in the opposite direction.

Now, let's not be haters here and slam Jonah for his stupidity because the reality is... we do that SAME thing. Maybe not physically, but spiritually. God may put it on our hearts to do something and we may fail to do it. Or, God may tell us to stop doing something and we continue to do it (which is going in the opposite direction God wants us to go). I don't know about you, but I screw up fairly often. Let's get one thing clear- just because we are all screw up's doesn't mean we should continue to mess up because it's 'normal.' Part of journeying with Christ is to continually be a work in progress, and allowing His strength to be our strength to overcome our screw ups.

 2. Disobedience causes troubles.

Why was the storms raging? Disobedience. If Jonah had been where God had called Him to go, storms would not be raging around the boat. In our life, sometimes we blame God or our circumanstance for problems-when in fact- it's because of our disobedience. Let me use myself as an example. My sophomore year in college I knew God had called me to a different school, but because I am stubborn, I didn't listen. I was miserable and depressed, spiritually dry, and felt so empty almost the entire year... why? I wasn't where God had called me to be and I knew it. Was it God's plan for me to be depressed and empty, no. But because he allows us to chose, sometimes that means we chose to be miserable and he says "Ok, if that is what you chose."

3. God can use any circumstance to bring glory to his name!

Jonah, the runway prophet, is thrusted out into the sea and suddenly peace. The waters immediately calm. And in that moment the men on the ship realize the Lord is all-powerful and begin to worship him. The NLT words are "They vowed to serve Him." In the midst of our lives, God can use any circumstance and situation, because that is how incredibly powerful He is!

Thought to Ponder: What has God asked me to do and how am I responding?

Beauty

Today I woke up, looked in the mirror, and felt beautiful.

I'm sure I'm not the only woman in the world who has a hard time believing they are beautiful (actually, I'm positive of this). Most days I wake up with the 'I am what I am... it's whatever' attitude towards myself. Recently though, I decided to try to believe that I am beautiful. So I began my ever increasing self-talk behavior  "Amanda, you are God's creation." "Amanda, your eyes look pretty today." etc, basically just finding positive things and trying to focus on them instead of the MANY negatives I can quickly jot down in list format for you either alphabetically or 'from head to toes' which ever you prefered.

Later on in the day I was riding the train to Chicago and my (ever so energetic) preteens were having a 'photo frenzy' moment. After a couple pictures, I asked to see them. Suprisingly, when I saw the picture of myself I thought "wow, I am beautiful today!" I told the teen they have a nice camera and it takes excellent pictures! They took another picture and I asked to see it. I was stunned that the second picture was just as beautiful. When I told the girl that I was pleased with the picture she said the cutest thing, "well of course Miss Amanda, you are beauuuutiful!" How special it was to me that she had called me beautiful!

It's easy not to feel beautiful trapped in a world that is screaming CONFORMITY. It's a part of out dress to impress, dying to be thin society. The airbrushed models on magazines who also with they were what they appeared to be. The reality is, we all have our 'flaws' and they are a part of who we are, not all we are.

My roommate Jennie had a mini poster on our fridge that said "Nothing makes a woman more beautiful than the belief that she is." And today I chose to believe I am beautiful! -and I think that shown through.

Here are some great scriptures about beauty from the Bible:
Psalm 139:14 - I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made; your works are wonderful, I know that full well.  (Knowing that we are His creation reminds us that we are amazing! If God's works are wonderful, and we are God's work... wow! We are amazing pieces of art! Know who you are!)

Proverbs 31:3 - Charm is deceptive, and beauty is fleeting; but a woman who fears the LORD is to be praised. (Know what really matters- while outer beauty will not last forever, a woman who fears God is esteemed, valued, and adored.)
1 Peter 3:3-4 - Your beauty should not come from outward adornment, such as braided hair and the wearing of gold jewelry and fine clothes. Instead, it should be that of your inner self, the unfading beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which is of great worth in God's sight. (Inner beauty always shines!)

Thanks for reading my blog <3

Construction Zone

Today I've been reflecting on my summer vacation (literally, vacation!) This summer I decided to take a volunteer position for a pre-teen summer program instead of working at the candy factory, and it's been incredible getting to know 20 awesome teens for the last month and a half! Watching them communicate with each other and learn to get along has been education to say the least! (It's also fun to watch a few of them interact who have crushes on each other, because it's still at the innocient stage where they follow each other around, sit next to each other at the table, and simple cute things like such). I'm really hoping my intern coordinator will allow me the opportunity to do my internship with this program in the fall, so if you would like to be praying for me-that would be appreciated!
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During FNL we've been talking about TRUST... I don't know about you, but Trust is something I have been working on for quiet some time. It seems to be so simple- like the Nike campaign, Just Do It- but knowing and walking it out are two completely different things.

What makes it so hard to TRUST? Is it lack of faith? Is it insecurities? Is it devotion?
I think it all boils down to reliance/vulnerability. To depend on someone other than myself is extremely hard.
If I am to trust God will every area of my life, it requires that I give up every area and believe He has it all under control. -Which is easy to do when life is EASY. Who wouldn't trust when the sea is calm or the sky is clear? But how much harder it is to trust when the fog is distorting our view and the Master says walk? Or we are in a dark cave and can not see the placement of our steps on the rubble? It's so much easier when we are aware of what's ahead. Complete reliance, trust, can not be circumstantial. It can't be "I'll trust you hear but not hear, there but not there." and I think that is where my main frustration with myself comes. I can be vulnerable in some areas, but in others I want to be completely self-reliant and 'handle' the situations/circumstances myself. Part of my need to 'handle' I've been discovering (thanks the Beth Moore's book 'So Long Insecurity') is due to shame. I don't know about you, but do you find it easier to trust God in areas that you already 'fixed'? It's the areas that are covered in caution tape warning disaster is ahead that I cling onto the tightest. And as I type all this I am aware of how rediculous this all sounds.... not letting God have an area until I've 'cleaned up my own mess', but that's the intense control freak that rages war inside my brain (she's a stubborn one!). We're all aware that life is a 'work in progress,' and I'm thankful that despite the control freak raging inside my brain and the caution tape warning of distruction God still sits next to me and wispers 'I know, Amanda. No need to hide, even the distruction zones... I want all of you."