Construction Zone

Today I've been reflecting on my summer vacation (literally, vacation!) This summer I decided to take a volunteer position for a pre-teen summer program instead of working at the candy factory, and it's been incredible getting to know 20 awesome teens for the last month and a half! Watching them communicate with each other and learn to get along has been education to say the least! (It's also fun to watch a few of them interact who have crushes on each other, because it's still at the innocient stage where they follow each other around, sit next to each other at the table, and simple cute things like such). I'm really hoping my intern coordinator will allow me the opportunity to do my internship with this program in the fall, so if you would like to be praying for me-that would be appreciated!
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During FNL we've been talking about TRUST... I don't know about you, but Trust is something I have been working on for quiet some time. It seems to be so simple- like the Nike campaign, Just Do It- but knowing and walking it out are two completely different things.

What makes it so hard to TRUST? Is it lack of faith? Is it insecurities? Is it devotion?
I think it all boils down to reliance/vulnerability. To depend on someone other than myself is extremely hard.
If I am to trust God will every area of my life, it requires that I give up every area and believe He has it all under control. -Which is easy to do when life is EASY. Who wouldn't trust when the sea is calm or the sky is clear? But how much harder it is to trust when the fog is distorting our view and the Master says walk? Or we are in a dark cave and can not see the placement of our steps on the rubble? It's so much easier when we are aware of what's ahead. Complete reliance, trust, can not be circumstantial. It can't be "I'll trust you hear but not hear, there but not there." and I think that is where my main frustration with myself comes. I can be vulnerable in some areas, but in others I want to be completely self-reliant and 'handle' the situations/circumstances myself. Part of my need to 'handle' I've been discovering (thanks the Beth Moore's book 'So Long Insecurity') is due to shame. I don't know about you, but do you find it easier to trust God in areas that you already 'fixed'? It's the areas that are covered in caution tape warning disaster is ahead that I cling onto the tightest. And as I type all this I am aware of how rediculous this all sounds.... not letting God have an area until I've 'cleaned up my own mess', but that's the intense control freak that rages war inside my brain (she's a stubborn one!). We're all aware that life is a 'work in progress,' and I'm thankful that despite the control freak raging inside my brain and the caution tape warning of distruction God still sits next to me and wispers 'I know, Amanda. No need to hide, even the distruction zones... I want all of you."