Memories

I think talking about loss last week in class hit a soft spot in my heart I hadn't been aware of was there,



Last night I had a dream the youth group I mentor through went on a camping retreat. We were having a great day full of events, and at the end of the day we were handing out the retreat t-shirts by grade levels. After I went up with my youth girls to get our shirts, I headed back to where I had been standing.

There was my grandma. She smiled at me and started telling me how much she loves me and how proud she is of the young woman I am becoming. She gave me a hug, kissed my check, and told me how much she wished she could have stayed, but said she had to leave. I cried in my dream, and she told me that everything is going to be ok and to keep going in life and doing what i have been doing. Then a gentleman escorted her away.

My grandma passed away when I was in 8th grade. Last week in crisis intervention we talked about loss and were asked to talk about the person we were closest to that passed away. I have been blessed to not have a lot of loved ones pass away thus far in my life, and so that person would be my grandma. While I don't remember much of my younger years, I know I always thought my grandma was such a graceful person. She always made every situation ok, and would sit with us grandchildren and just spend time with us.

I've been thinking about her a lot today. Missing just sitting on the porch eating ice cream. Remembering the easter egg hunt she would have  in her yard. Her positive attitude. I never remember a time my grandma wasn't smiling, even when she was frusterated. She had so much love in her heart it overflowed. And even if she isn't here with me to tell me she is proud of who I am becoming, I know in my heart that if she was able to be here today, she would say what she said in my dream last night.

I don't know why the Lord allows some people to live 100 years and some people to only live in thier 50's. I can't say it makes sense to me, but I know that at the end of the day, God is God. He holds everything in His hands.