I'm not who I was

Every semester I like to take the time to reflect on who I useto be, who I want to be, and where I am at life.
--I also look back over ppast journal entries to remind myself where I was at that point in life--
While the change isn't dramatic, I notice. My actions are similiar, my outward life is simliar, but the motives inside my heart are changed. It's amazing how much our thoughts can differ from what other's see and not even purposely. I was reminded this week that:
Proverbs 21:2 ESV --Every way of a man is right in his own eyes, but the Lord weighs the heart.

How's your heart? Are your motives pure?

What's my motive? That his might power be known.
Psalm 106:8 ESV --Yet he saved them for his name's sake, that he might make known his mighty power

In youth group we have been talking about Sin, God's wrath, grace, and walking out faith.
It's amazing how one verse can grab you. There's a passage in the bible that says (paraphrasing) anytime you know something is wrong but do it anyway... that's sin.

Reality Check: Is what you're doing making God's power known, or are you doing whatever you want because it 'looks, feels, seems' good?

It's so easy to have wrong motives, how wicked can our thoughts quickly become. But when we bounce all our thoughts against the standard of "does this glorify God?" 1. We say less. 2. We speak life.

black clouds

Another week and more sadness.
There is no way to explain to anyone who doesn't live here exactly how much loss our community has been experiencing. This week, three more young adults passed away. About a year and and a half ago was the beginning of a never ending snowball of deaths of young people and it has seemed to be increasing dramatically in the last 4 months.

Lord, release our community from this oppression. Break the chains of addictions in the lives of our young people. FREEDOM Lord, bring freedom into the community.
To the drug addicts, freedom.
To the depressed and suicidal, freedom.
To the self-mutliators, freedom.
To those with cancer, freedom.

“Behold, I give you the authority to trample on serpents and scorpions, and over all the power of the enemy, and nothing shall by any means hurt you.” (Luke 10:19)



Lord, ignite our city with passion and love for you, that we, as a city, can trample over the power of the enemy!- Amen

BIRTHDAY BLOG! =)

Last year, I asked my awesome Facebook friends to donate to one of my favorite non-profit organizations To Write Love on Her Arms. This incredible movement is dedicated to presenting hope and finding help for people struggling with depression, addiction, self-injury and suicide. My favorite line of their vision statement is this: You need to know that rescue is possible, that freedom is possible, that God is still in the business of redemption. I still encourage you: buy a T-shirt, check out the organization, read the facts, and get educated about how many people are struggling and how to help.This year though, I'm asking something a little different. I'm asking you to take part in the movement.

This year, I'm asking you, my  friend, to show love to someone who is struggling with depression, addiction, self-injury, or wrestling with thoughts of ending thier life. LOVE is the movement. Take time this week, this month, this year to not shy away from people who seem down, but conciously make the decision to show LOVE to them. Pick up the phone and call to check up on people, defend the friendless, encourage constantly, and speak LIFE into others at all time. (and grab some coffee/tea/McD's with someone who may be having a hard time... let them talk, and just LISTEN).Today I'm celebrating my birthday in loving memory of everyone who lost the battle to depression, addiction, self-injury and suicidal thoughts..... praying that no more shall perish.




Maybe one person can't change the entire world*, but we can change 'the world' of one person's life, or twenty! =)



---* Except Jesus, He was one person who changed THE WORLD!!!

Boxed IN!

Today was a long, fun, sweaty day at work moving 50 lb boxes FOREVER! The best part, was being able to talk with my coworkers as I worked! It's been a crazy long summer without talking with them! You form friendships with your coworkers and I am so blessed to be working with an amazing random group of individuals!   I'm looking foward to continuing our conversations about faith/God. =)

I saw this quote last night and it has been tumbling through my mind like crazy:

Tonight, if you are in Christ, you are not struggling to be free.
In Christ, you are free to struggle."

I don't know about you, but I often feel 'boxed in' my sin... stuck. Even after I remind myself I am an overcomer, I still wonder when that 'OVER' part is going to start happening... of course the answer is perfection is in heaven, but seriously!? Can't I get anything right!? So when I saw this quote I was reminded of how true it is. Struggling to be free is living in bondage: It's living inside the box and not being able to escape. I'm free to struggle. Those who are in Christ, thier already free. The box is already been removed now it's about accepting freedom and walking in light of the freedom.
Box-bondage- darkness
no box- freedom- light

I love how my brain works =)

Birthday Dinner

My family likes to go out for fancy dinner's for birthdays. My dad started the tradition because he has a deep love for steakhouses. For the last year or two of birthdays we've been going to expensive steakhouses for birthdays as a family. Here's the deal though, I DON'T LIKE STEAK! I know, I'm crazy.. but I'm not a huge fan of red meat. It's also unfortunate to go to a steakhouse, because often they have seafood, which I also can not eat due to allergies. This year, my parents -knowing I don't like going to the steakhouse- decided I can PICK the place to eat at. After much debate, checking out nutritional information I came up with one conlusion:

The closest Chipotle is an hour and a half away, And it will be the BEST drive ever knowing that my burrito bowl is the end goal!!!
My love for Chipotle began when attending a college in MN because the campus cafe was closed Sunday Nights and so we ate out. Pizza gets boring quickly, but Chipotle... never gets boring!! =)



Fight Like Hell

Yes, I just said Hell. Take a deep breathe and chill for a second!
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Recently I have been thinking about spiritual warfare and how it plays out in my day to day life. And this is the conclusion I came too, it's time to 'fight like Hell' against Hell. For the thousands of years humans have been alive Satan and his 'fallen angels posey' have been actively pursuing one goal... to seperate us from God. He's been relentessly attacking individuals. He never sleeps, never slumbers.  And unforunately for him, the secret to overcoming his attacks are the same. We must actively pursue one 'goal'.... Christ. Never sleeping, never slumbering, relentlessly pursuing Christ with our whole hearts. 

What good is it for a man to gain the whole world, yet forfeit his very soul?--Mark 8:36
“Thy word have I hid in mine heart, that I might not sin against thee.” Psalm 119:11

TWLOHA

I visited your grave today. I miss you. <3 you baby cuz.

Happy, Healthy, Whole

Recently, I've been giving a lot of thought to who I want to be. I enjoy evaluating my life because it helps to refocus the future and as a soon to be college graduate in December... I need some FOCUS!. I threw out 5 year plans a long time ago, and this is why. I plan, replan, change my plan, keep planning, etc. and the whole time LIFE is passing. It's time to accept I can't always plan what I'm going to be doing in 5 years. Careers will change, my relationships will change, my location may change, etc. Rather than asking what I'm going to be doing in 5 years, I've started focusing on who I'm going to be in 5 years. We're not going to stay the same, and that's a good thing. Not that I'm not an amazing person, because I am ;) , but we ALL have room for improvement and I for certain am not an exception to this rule. So who do I want to be? I want to happy, healthy, whole.
HAPPY - Emotional
Our emotions play a huge part into who we are. They can either empower us or stifle us. Positive Self-Talk sounds rediculous, but it's honestly how I try to live. I'm really good at it in some areas of my life, but other areas I'm such a Debbie Downer it's rediculous!! I puff up my strengths rather well, but my weaknesses I have a hard time finding positives about.
HEALTHY- Physical
Hello, my name is Amanda... and I am a recovering compulsive eater. Aaaaahhhhhh.. so freeing!
Being obese makes you feel like crap physically it also makes you feel like crap mentally.
Recently I became part of an accountability group for healthy lifesytles and it's been great! While losing weight is great, it's really about feeling healthy and loving myself! And I really am striving to figure out the reasons behind my compulsive eating and working towards recovering so I can be a healthy individual!
WHOLE- Spiritual
speaking of addictioins, there are still areas in my spiritual walk I wrestle with. Letting go and trusting God sounds easy, but those deep rooted 'things' are the hardest to trust God in. As I continue to strive everyday to overcome the things that weigh me down, I remind myself I AM an OVERCOMER!

HAPPY, HEALTHY, WHOLE. It's what I'm striving for in my life.  <3

P.S.......

Waiting/Transitions

In between connecting all the great moments of life are these amazing periods of transition (or as I like to call them 'waiting time'). I'm an antsy person, so on a road journey I'm the type of person who just wants to GET THERE! Forget the little stops along the way, keep rolling! That's probably why I don't like to travel with my people. I like to plan out my route, conquer each obsticle, and arrive as quickly as possible. The problem is I look at life the same way. I'm always planning (because life never stops or slows down) always remaping around obsticles, but because life is always moving it sometimes feels like never really going anywhere. It's that time of anticipating the awesome things God's going to do that I always get antsy in. What is the God of all creation planning? What are the next 5 years, 10 years going to look like? Even though I have no control over some areas, I plan them anyway, replan, and often replan about 50 billion more times. Oh tomorrow, you whom never come. Oh tomorrow, you whom I am always waiting for.
Today I started to wonder, what Have I been missing today while focusing on tomorrow? I decided probably a lot.
So here's to TODAY... because I'm starting to realize even transitions have beautiful moments.

another day

Tonight I feel particularly sad. Nothing really happened to make me sad persay. I was reading a teen's poem on Facebook and it got me thinking about my cousin who passed away recently.
The reality of eternity is sometimes a little overwhelming. Love you baby cousin. I wish I could give you a hug. You always gave the best hugs...

Lessons from Jonah (pt. 2)

"Now the Lord had arranged for a great fish to swallow Jonah. And Jonah was inside the fish for three days and three nights. Then Jonah prayed to the Lord his God from the inside of the fish.." Jonah 1:17- 2:1 NLT

Did you catch that... Jonah was in the belly of a fish for 72 HOURS before the bible says he prayed. I wonder, was this the first time in those 72 hours Jonah prayed, or was this specific prayer important? I don't know for certain, but it definately got me thinking.

How many times do we wait to pray?

When everything is going great do we still praise God and talk with him daily, or just when things are hard?

When things do get hard, because we know that trials will come, is the Lord the first one we turn too?

Personally, I know I've turned to other people before God. Called every last person in my phone, no one answered of course, and then crying out LORD, I'M ALONE... All the while I can invision him looking at me saying "really Amanda, because my line is never busy." We often underestimate how much God truly cares for us and desires for us to tell Him what is going on in our lives. He wants to be our 'best friend' but if we don't talk to Him often, how can the relationship stay strong?

Or is it Pride that keeps us from calling out to God first?

As rediculous as it sounds, being the stubborn person I am, I always try to handle things on my own first. Bringing God areas of my life I'm imperfect at shows my weakness... or so I thought. The reality is in our weaknesses, the Lord shows His strength. If we were able to 'fix' our own lives and be perfect, we wouldn't need Jesus. (And Oh How I need JESUS!!! I'm greatly looking forward to heaven when perfection is possible!)

Chapter two wraps up with God hearing Jonah's prayer and odering the fish to spit Jonah out onto a beach. (yes, I'm aware how gross that is...) But the beauty is in the fact that even despite Jonah's disobedience, God still cares for Jonah. As Jonah realized the Lord is in charge and the director of our lives, God gave Jonah a second chance to do what Jonah was called to do, prophesy in Ninevah. The Lord is a God of second chances. It's amazing that He cares that much for us. When we repent and truly have remorseful hearts, the Lord-in his grace and mercy- forgives us. Praise God he doesn't just let us die in the seas (troubles) of Life!

Lessons from Jonah (pt. 1)

Jonah (http://www.biblegateway.com/passage/?search=Jonah+1&version=NLT)

As I was reading Jonah this week and have been pondering over this story I have known for quiet some time, I have some thoughts I would like to share. Today I will focus on three truths from Chapter 1:

1. God told Jonah to go to Ninevah, and instead Jonah diliberately went in the opposite direction.

Now, let's not be haters here and slam Jonah for his stupidity because the reality is... we do that SAME thing. Maybe not physically, but spiritually. God may put it on our hearts to do something and we may fail to do it. Or, God may tell us to stop doing something and we continue to do it (which is going in the opposite direction God wants us to go). I don't know about you, but I screw up fairly often. Let's get one thing clear- just because we are all screw up's doesn't mean we should continue to mess up because it's 'normal.' Part of journeying with Christ is to continually be a work in progress, and allowing His strength to be our strength to overcome our screw ups.

 2. Disobedience causes troubles.

Why was the storms raging? Disobedience. If Jonah had been where God had called Him to go, storms would not be raging around the boat. In our life, sometimes we blame God or our circumanstance for problems-when in fact- it's because of our disobedience. Let me use myself as an example. My sophomore year in college I knew God had called me to a different school, but because I am stubborn, I didn't listen. I was miserable and depressed, spiritually dry, and felt so empty almost the entire year... why? I wasn't where God had called me to be and I knew it. Was it God's plan for me to be depressed and empty, no. But because he allows us to chose, sometimes that means we chose to be miserable and he says "Ok, if that is what you chose."

3. God can use any circumstance to bring glory to his name!

Jonah, the runway prophet, is thrusted out into the sea and suddenly peace. The waters immediately calm. And in that moment the men on the ship realize the Lord is all-powerful and begin to worship him. The NLT words are "They vowed to serve Him." In the midst of our lives, God can use any circumstance and situation, because that is how incredibly powerful He is!

Thought to Ponder: What has God asked me to do and how am I responding?

Beauty

Today I woke up, looked in the mirror, and felt beautiful.

I'm sure I'm not the only woman in the world who has a hard time believing they are beautiful (actually, I'm positive of this). Most days I wake up with the 'I am what I am... it's whatever' attitude towards myself. Recently though, I decided to try to believe that I am beautiful. So I began my ever increasing self-talk behavior  "Amanda, you are God's creation." "Amanda, your eyes look pretty today." etc, basically just finding positive things and trying to focus on them instead of the MANY negatives I can quickly jot down in list format for you either alphabetically or 'from head to toes' which ever you prefered.

Later on in the day I was riding the train to Chicago and my (ever so energetic) preteens were having a 'photo frenzy' moment. After a couple pictures, I asked to see them. Suprisingly, when I saw the picture of myself I thought "wow, I am beautiful today!" I told the teen they have a nice camera and it takes excellent pictures! They took another picture and I asked to see it. I was stunned that the second picture was just as beautiful. When I told the girl that I was pleased with the picture she said the cutest thing, "well of course Miss Amanda, you are beauuuutiful!" How special it was to me that she had called me beautiful!

It's easy not to feel beautiful trapped in a world that is screaming CONFORMITY. It's a part of out dress to impress, dying to be thin society. The airbrushed models on magazines who also with they were what they appeared to be. The reality is, we all have our 'flaws' and they are a part of who we are, not all we are.

My roommate Jennie had a mini poster on our fridge that said "Nothing makes a woman more beautiful than the belief that she is." And today I chose to believe I am beautiful! -and I think that shown through.

Here are some great scriptures about beauty from the Bible:
Psalm 139:14 - I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made; your works are wonderful, I know that full well.  (Knowing that we are His creation reminds us that we are amazing! If God's works are wonderful, and we are God's work... wow! We are amazing pieces of art! Know who you are!)

Proverbs 31:3 - Charm is deceptive, and beauty is fleeting; but a woman who fears the LORD is to be praised. (Know what really matters- while outer beauty will not last forever, a woman who fears God is esteemed, valued, and adored.)
1 Peter 3:3-4 - Your beauty should not come from outward adornment, such as braided hair and the wearing of gold jewelry and fine clothes. Instead, it should be that of your inner self, the unfading beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which is of great worth in God's sight. (Inner beauty always shines!)

Thanks for reading my blog <3

Construction Zone

Today I've been reflecting on my summer vacation (literally, vacation!) This summer I decided to take a volunteer position for a pre-teen summer program instead of working at the candy factory, and it's been incredible getting to know 20 awesome teens for the last month and a half! Watching them communicate with each other and learn to get along has been education to say the least! (It's also fun to watch a few of them interact who have crushes on each other, because it's still at the innocient stage where they follow each other around, sit next to each other at the table, and simple cute things like such). I'm really hoping my intern coordinator will allow me the opportunity to do my internship with this program in the fall, so if you would like to be praying for me-that would be appreciated!
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During FNL we've been talking about TRUST... I don't know about you, but Trust is something I have been working on for quiet some time. It seems to be so simple- like the Nike campaign, Just Do It- but knowing and walking it out are two completely different things.

What makes it so hard to TRUST? Is it lack of faith? Is it insecurities? Is it devotion?
I think it all boils down to reliance/vulnerability. To depend on someone other than myself is extremely hard.
If I am to trust God will every area of my life, it requires that I give up every area and believe He has it all under control. -Which is easy to do when life is EASY. Who wouldn't trust when the sea is calm or the sky is clear? But how much harder it is to trust when the fog is distorting our view and the Master says walk? Or we are in a dark cave and can not see the placement of our steps on the rubble? It's so much easier when we are aware of what's ahead. Complete reliance, trust, can not be circumstantial. It can't be "I'll trust you hear but not hear, there but not there." and I think that is where my main frustration with myself comes. I can be vulnerable in some areas, but in others I want to be completely self-reliant and 'handle' the situations/circumstances myself. Part of my need to 'handle' I've been discovering (thanks the Beth Moore's book 'So Long Insecurity') is due to shame. I don't know about you, but do you find it easier to trust God in areas that you already 'fixed'? It's the areas that are covered in caution tape warning disaster is ahead that I cling onto the tightest. And as I type all this I am aware of how rediculous this all sounds.... not letting God have an area until I've 'cleaned up my own mess', but that's the intense control freak that rages war inside my brain (she's a stubborn one!). We're all aware that life is a 'work in progress,' and I'm thankful that despite the control freak raging inside my brain and the caution tape warning of distruction God still sits next to me and wispers 'I know, Amanda. No need to hide, even the distruction zones... I want all of you."

oh, heart...

Sometimes I forget I'm a girl. Just kidding! that was my awesome attention getter.

But on days like today I wish my heart could be a little less sensitive. I don't know what my problem is, but today I really miss you. Some days are easier than others, but the 25th of June was abnormally rough. Gosh, I wish I didn't care about you.

Introduction to Insecurity Issues

I don't know exactly when I "checked out" emotionally, but something has definately been not right for awhile (because I'm a girl, i'm going to blame hormones.. lol. jk)... but I feel like I'M BACK!
That was by far the longest 'slumb' I think i've ever slipped into.
I don't know about you, but when I am going through a rough time finding my place in this VAST land we call Earth it's very easy to get discouraged!

I've been reading a phenominal book called "So long insecurity, you've been a bad friend" by Beth Moore and I am so very excited to share with you what I have been learning!!

It's amazing how much I have never understood about myself -- that I'm beginning to understand through this process of facing my insecurities, handing them over to God, and LEAVING them with Him.

Even something as 'insignificant' as JEALOUSY has a whole new tint in light of my recent discoveries.

I'm hoping to write about this tomorrow when I have some free time, seeing as it WEDNESDAY!!! WOOT WOOT!

But for now, I love you dear friends and I leave you with this thought:
What are we afraid of?
Who are we afraid of?
What are we afriad of losing?
Why are we afraid of being displaced?

Thoughts from my heart coming SOON! Stay tuned!

I want what God has for me. Nothing more, nothing less.


Lord, help this to be true....

too picky?

Recently someone told me I was 'too picky' in what I wanted in a future husband. I laughed.
I think it's less of being 'picky' and more about what type of marriage I desire.
Of course he must be a single male. *This me and my friend could agree on. =)
Nonsmoker, nondrinker, not a druggy *I want a substance-abuse free home to raise kids in.
CHRISTIAN. *The bible commands us to not be unequally yoked. -someone to do ministry with.
Semi-healthy *Admittedly I'm not a postergirl for health, but I try. That's all i'm looking for... some concern about health.

as well as I find them attractive, they find me attractive.

SEE.... totally NOT too picky =)

close to my heart always

I wrote the best role play on grief counseling my professor has ever seen last semester (his words, not mine), but when it comes to having the words to say, even to myself, when it really matters they all feel so empty. Sometimes the only thing we can do is simply BE. To sit in silence with nothing but our heart pounding, eyes flooded with tears and simply BE- because it takes every fiber of our being to take the next breath. I can't seem to get it together from one extreme to the next. I go from bottled up 'I'm perfectly fine' to a pile of soaking wet from tears.. off an on all day. I miss you corey... you are always and forever close to my heart. Today was the hardest any day can possibly get. It was so painful to see you lifeless. You looked so peaceful.... but I know you are not sleeping. I know your soul has passed from this earth, leaving behind your flesh... And my heart weeps. I can't believe you're gone. Like the preacher said today... This wasn't God's plan. It wasn't suppose to end like this.

Always and forever close to my heart. <3

Where is the Love?

The line "if you never know truth than you never know love" is so true. In my twenty two years alive there is only one things I know for certain to be truth (absolute truth), and that's Jesus Christ.

Where's the love?

Simple- We're harbering it...

The question is... are we sharing it? Or do we hide under the cover of the world and hope that without words our actions will be enough for people to want a change in thier life and decide to follow Christ.

News Flash: Jesus used words and actions in ministry

The apostle Paul- words and actions

When did we start buying into the lie that we can preach the gospel without using any words.... If you think about it, it's actually quiet rediculous.

WAKE UP

When are people in this horrible town ever going to get it?! WAKE UP PEOPLE! This is real life, and we only get to live it ONCE! I'm so tired of hearing about young people dying. I'm so tired of hearing stories about overdoses. I'm tired of seeing people broken... and my heart aches tonight with the reality he's never coming back. ever. I wish someone would call and be like "just kidding" and we can all breathe a sigh of relief, but that's not reality. reality is a cold hard, gut wrenching truth that you're never going to walk through the door ever again. I'm never going to see your smile again. You were trying. I know you were tying. You told us so. I wish there was a way to fix this, but there's not. I don't understand why God lets some people die while others he saves. Am I mad? I'm trying not to be. You were loved, VERY loved. I miss you, and our family will never be the same without you. You left a whole inside our hearts yesterday, a whole that can never be filled. A painful reminder that you were hurting, broken and felt alone. You were not alone. You were never alone, because we loved you always. always and forever my dear cousin.

phrases

Sometimes the simple things are the hardest to say.

I love you
I miss you
Dump him/her
I'm mad at you
You inspire me
You're beautiful
I'm not disappointed, I'm just sad

Some phrases in life are easier than others.

Dedication

Friday we took an amazing group of teenagers to a youth rally, and God showed up. He is faithful.

During worship I was trying to engage, but I was having a difficult time and really struggling to stay focused. I remember thinking "Lord, you're gonna have to do something in me because I simply don't have it together." And as I spoke a gentle voice wispered, "stop cheating on me."
I'm not going to hype it up and use explosive language that moves you and gives you goose-bumps. I'm just going to tell it like it is.

To many times, myself for sure included, we claim to be a follower of Christ yet we fail to surrender every fiber of our being, in which He made btw, to his submission. I have been calling myself a christian for a very long time, and as I look back at my thought life I wonder what right do I have to confess to have the God of all creation DWELLING in my being when I have these awful thoughts floating in my brain. When my actions may be good, but definately not set apart from the world.

As God and I continued to have a conversation during the service, no hype, no tears and flooding of emotions, I made the whole-hearted decision that it's time to live. It's time to claim the victory over strongholds, to throw off everything that hinders me and fully step into His presence and allow Him to radically consume my life.

I'm not sure about an outward change being visible, but I can feel it inwardly. I can sense it in my spirit, I can notice it in my thoughts... in the last 24 hours I have not been the same as before.
And now I PRESS ON toward the goal to win the prize for which God has called me heavenward in Christ Jesus. Phil. 3:14


I know a lot of people use to term "redidicate" but let's examine what the defintion of dedicate is:
1. to set apart and consecrate to a deity or to a sacred purpose:
2. to devote wholly and earnestly, as to some person or purpose:
3. to set aside for or assign to a specific function, task, or purpose:
I'm not sure I can ever say I was wholly and earnestly devoted. I failed to let go of many areas of control in my life and because of that have wrestled with insecurities, frustrations, shame, guilt, and many other negative emotions as I struggled to conquer my problems on my own: The entire time He waited saying "Amanda, stop cheating on me. Stop using your own strength and depend on me. You are right, you are not strong enough.. I AM."

Dedication: Nothing More. Nothing Less.

I'm Sold Out.

life

Sometimes I feel like the blind leading the blind in youth ministry. As I continue to work on my hurts, habits, and hangups while leading teenagers I can't help but think about how little I have figured out. But one thing is for certain, He is the only one that can change hearts. He has changed my heart. As I continue to grow, all I can do is continue to point them to the only thing that is good in me, Jesus.

being me.

I can't WILL myself to be happy.. and lately, i don't want too. I spend a majority of the year walking around wiith a smile making sure everyone else is fine... but lately I just want to curl up in a ball underneath my covers and take a long-mental vacation! Being me is EXHAUSTING... maybe it's the weather that has me feeling blue, maybe it's just me.. who knows...

I think a majority of it has to do with my negative self-talk lately. Am I really believing into the lie I can just pass through life unnoticed.. aparently so. There are very few times in a week my attendance is necessary before someone notices I'm not around. Sadly, I've managed to figure out when these are and avoid the rest.

I must admit this sounds silly, but it works.
no need to go places if whether or not I go no one cares.

nice things

Today my coworkers and I had a conversation about sunglasses and handbags! Sounds fun right? At first it was! Who doesn't like to talk about your fave color of handbag!!! I'm secretively wanting a particular coach purse but it's $300 so that willl NEVER HAPPEN! (but just for fun, it looks like this!!)

 Then I learned that Coach is a cheap handbag.... PAUSE.

 Did you freak out like I just did? I need for you to understand, I get my purses and sunglasses from Dollar General, Walmart...etc. and these ladies are talking about $900 purses and $300 sunglasses. Don't get me wrong, I like to have nice things. I enjoy nice things, but the reality is my purse isn't going to last- the zippper will break someday! But as I started listening to these ladies, I realized I was getting sucked in! At first I thought they sounded rediculous, but as they continued on about particular items and how I needed a particular pair of sunglasses I started thinking "Maybe they are right. I do deserve to have nice things! What's $200 right? I should treat myself!" Once I got home, I reflected on the day. The more I thought about the sunglasses, the more rediculous it seemed to want them knowing I have a horrible problem with breaking things! This got me thinking about the VALUE of things.
What makes things have higher value than another? The importance we place on them. They are valuable because someone says they are.
 Expensive sunglasses are protected by a case, should be cleaned regularly... why? Because since they have value, they are treated like such. Dollar Store sunglasses can typically be found tossed inside a purse, often scratched or dented, why? Because they are easily replaced... their value isn't as great.

Question to consider: Do I treat people like they have VALUE?

Heart Check: What really matters in life?

lessons from Grandma

I love when my mom will interject a story about my grandma into our day to day conversation. Last night was one of those cases. My dad's mom passed away when I was in middle school, and it blesses my heart to learn the wisdom she had. I am greatful she shared it with others so they could pass it on.

"They gotta eat a little dirt."- Grandma Osborn

Yeap, my grandma was a firm believer we should all feed our kids dirt....

HAHA.. ok, I'll get serious... this is obveously NOT what grandma was trying to say.

In life we can easily get worked up about things and constantly fight to protect our children, or friends, from getting messy. You know who these parents are: they germ-x everything thier children touch, don't let em play in the mud....
Then there are the reverse parents who simply say 'whatever.' And thier kids come over with mud and grossness EVERYWHERE.
Grandma's philosophy was this, a middle ground. We can procted our kids from get dirty, but we need to recognize a little bit of dirt won't hurt. Life is about finding the healthy median between two extremes... just eating a LIL bit of dirt ;)



v.i.c.t.o.r.y?

I wanted to share with you a part of my devotional tonight, I hope it speaks to you as much as it spoke to me.
"You can not win if you refuse to fight. You are never going to win if you and I are just going to sit back and let the enemy come after our marriages- if you are married, our intergrity, our business, our homes, our relationships, our churches. If we're going to sit back, listen, he will come and take just one inch of ground after another until he's got everything that is precious to us. Will we sit back? Because if we don't learn to fight we are never going to win.We think somehow this is going to happen if we never engage in the battle. And it's not going to. We keep thinking somebody else is going to fight in our place. We keep hoping it's going to be a friend, or a pastor, or a leader that's going to battle for us.Let me tell you, there comes a time when it's just us.
A very wonderful greek word is used in Ephesians chapter 6 when it talks about our struggle not being against flesh and blood. The word that is used there is not a word for teams against one another, as much as we all need one another and want one another in the battle together, it's a word that means hand to hand combat.
There are times when as much as you want someone else to do the fighting for you, you've got to do it yourself. You've got to do it. There comes a place, i've become convinced of it through years and years of working particular with the theme of freedom over strongholds and bondage, that there comes a time when as much as everyone else has prayed for us we have to take up the battle ourselves. That nobody else can fight all the way, fight for you all the way to your victory. It just won't happen. No one can get you all the way there. People can pray that we'll become alert, that we will wake up to it, that we'll know where we've been had. People can pray all sorts of grace and strength of God upon us, but when it comes right down to it, if we're going to be victorious it will be because WE got up, and WE faught." -Beth Moore


It came from this website. The episode date was March 23,2011
http://lifetoday.org/video//?search=Beth+Moore

I had gotten to the point recently where I have completely stopped fighting for victory. Mainly because it seemed pointless to continue to wrestle with my flesh and strive for victory OVER AND OVER again... and failing at the hands of defeat.Tonight I was reminded of something very important: We CAN'T stop fighting. We CAN'T let the enemy win in our lives. Christ ALREADY has the VICTORY, we just need to CLAIM IT. So often we pray and we talk like we are PLEADING with God:

Lord, PLEASE. I can't take it anymore, I need you. I'll do whatever you want, just help me through what I am going through. SAVE me! Please Lord! I need you to rescue me again. I thought you rescued me last time but here i am again, same place. still stuck.

And it makes me wonder: Have I REALLY surrendered? Beth Moore was sharing before that passage about victory in God comes when realizing 1) who God is, 2) Who God says YOU are, and 3)walking in light of that truth. If I am who God says I am, chosen and set free, If I really believed this to be true, shouldn't it change how I respond to others? Shouldn't this change how I respond to myself? If I really, I mean REALLY, believed the Lord has set me free from my sinful nature shouldn't I be walking in that victory instead of cowarding in defeat and chosing to remain in defeat because it's EASIER?

Heart Check: Where am I at with my walk with the Lord?
Where are you at?











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What If?

Today I accomplished NOTHING as far as daily tasks are concerned, but I had a LOVELY time doing so! I think a day of relaxation is good for the soul (my soul especially).

Movie Day: What If?
Question I was left asking: What am I seeking in life?

The main character royal screwed up the plan God had for him by chosing to make his own decisions without consulting God. He chose to go seek recognition in a large company than to respond to the call God had placed on his life to preach.

How many times do we do the same? Ignore the plans God has and seek out our own path? I'm not saying we do it intentionally, although sometimes we do. Failing to seek God's guidance is the same as ignoring His plans. If you are working under someone to build a house do you fail to ask for directions on how they want the house to be layed? Or do you seek thier instructions before begining, during the process, and even for the fine details?



I was realizing today the many opportunties I had in life where I failed to seek God's will and simply moved in the spur of the moment based on how I felt. Reality is this, how we feel often fails us. How we percieve things will fail us. The only stability that exists is found in God alone. Hence why he doesn't want us building houses in sand...

*courtesy of google images*

My Emo Post.

Remember in Middle School/High School everyone would sign people's yearbooks with "You're cool, never change." How nieve we were! Of course they are going to change, we all change. Imagine a world where everyone is the same as they were in high school... SCARY! Who would run business, countries, manage budgets... CHAOS. Everyone has to change, because change is a part of maturing. I've been thinking a lot about change lately. A lot about how people grow up, or fail to grow up.
Especially in college, it's amazing how much change takes place. To think most people start out as a 17/18/19 year old fresh out of high school and graduate 4 years later with all of life's mysteries supposively figured out. I can tell you one thing for certain: College messes up your brain! It takes all your beliefs, values, knowledge and challenges them-forcefully changes them-molding your thoughts to what the professor's/university desires. It jades you. But I think what is more damaging to one's spirit is the jadedness you recieve when friends are there for a time and then gone. When the change involves the people you emotionally invested in and counted on as support, confided in, and trusted with your LIFE. What happened to 'A Friend is a Friend at all Times?' I can't say I've never changed... because I have. I change constantly. Sometimes for the better, sometimes I'm not sure...But do we have to change in the area of relationships so much that we NEVER talk again? Seriously. I just want you to send an email back... is that REALLY too hard? Seriously? t I know you've changed, I changed too. And while I know you don't care anymore, I unfortunately do....
I'm totally aware this sounds like an overemotional girl, but the reality is this is how I feel sometimes, and I accept the face that I sometimes take things too personal and blow things out of proportion, but honestly, I don't think I'm asking for much... a simple response would suffice. Even if it was "Hey, I'm still alive, thanks for caring enough to write me."
On a positive note, in hopes to not be a debbie-downer, there are many great things happening:
1) It's summertime.
2) My interview went very well today!!!
3) I got awesome grades this semester.
4) I have a 4 day weekend.
5) I'm almost able to breathe normally again!! silly allergies.

ALSO

(Yes, I'm aware this is my second post today.)

I was doing homework, blah. -- I hate how statistics say children who grew up in a household where a parent was an alcoholic will often marry alcoholics.

I REFUSE to be a statistic, especially this one.
(For those who didn't know, one of my parents were a heavy drinker before giving thier life to Christ).

This is why I won't date a guy who drinks, not even socially.

I chose to break the cycle.
Lord, please don't let me become a statistic, guard my future. <3

auto-pilot

Today I fought through the end of the semester blues.... not just today, yesterday too.
It's like someone pushed the auto-pilot button and my brain is coasting emotionally. blah....

I think auto-pilot is how I manage emotionally draining weeks. Particularly buyback week in the bookstore. I LOATHE buyback week. After doing a self-assessment online yesterday I think I understand myself better.

why do I loathe buyback you ask? Because it requires me to softly start-up confrontational discussion.
"I'm sorry, this book has water damage. Since you rented it you are going to have to purchase the text."

BAM! An atomic bomb just exploded and the person starts freaking out, after 5 billion excuses and complaintsand they leave angry.... and I'm emotionally deflated.

Thankfully my boss allowed me to do everything today EXCEPT register which allowed me some time to recooperate. It still stresses me out even when I can hear customers that are angry, but i'm working on it.

Aparently being able to softly start up possibly confrontational subjects is a trait that is good for marriage. Which i can totally see. So I'm working on it.

one day when my awesome husband needs to be softly confronted about an area, I will be able to be the wife he needs me to be. (husband tba. lol).

His Mercy Reigns

I just love the beautiful lyrics in this song.

My God is strong enough to raise me from the grave.

Your love is strong enough to take away my shame.

Your mercy reigns.

My God is making new this wreckage of my heart.

Your hand is reaching down to pull me from the dark.

The reality of life is this: It's not about us. In our own power we fail.  

We live to show the power of God. He renews, He restores, He redeems. He SAVES.

 

Your mercy reigns. Your mercy covers me

Your grace sustains. Your grace is all I need.

Holding Nothing Back

I've been wrestling lately with the question "What are the plans God has for my life?"
It's so easy to get caught up in the hype of making plans and deciding what to do! It's also exciting to know that there is a master plan the Lord has for my life, and that he gives me the option to chose the very best.

The reality is that I am alive to live for God: This is my ultimate purpose.
But in order to live life sucessfully in the will of God, complete obedience is required. As I continue to strive to be in His perfect and pleasing will, I find It requires more commitment on my part.

Either sell out or be sold. Halfway commitments are weak.

Thankful

Here are the top 'life-realted' things I am thankful for today (off the top of my head)

1. I got to sleep in! Praise God! I needed the rest.
2. My best friend is pregnant!! And I don't have to keep it a secret anymore!
3. My research paper is DONE!!! =)
4. It's bed time!!!!
5. I had a phone date with a dear friend this week <3
6. Last day of classes is tomorrow before FINALS WEEK.


7. and last but not least, I'm thankful I'm single! So I have time to do ministry, focus on school, and blog in my spare time. =)

Friendship

*courtesy of Google*

I've always been a 'Once a friend-always a friend kind of gal.' I think a lot of it has to do with growing up in the same place my whole life. One of my parents moved around a lot as a child and wanted her kids to be able to grow up in the same place. =)

I learned an unexpected lesson- friendships are forever!!! Think about it. Elementary school, middle school, high school... I didn't have the SAME friends all the way though, but BASICALLY. My friends from elementary school were almost all in the same circle of friends my high school years (minus my *best friend* from elemenatary school, but we didn't stop being friends till well into middle school  when I had made a new *best friend* so it was a smooth transition).

--coming back from the rabbit trail--

I learned growing up to cherish the people in my life. Stay connected. To write letters over breaks so we wouldn't have so much to 'catch up on' when the summer was over. Friendship became about maintaining and strengthing relationships. And I got really good at staying connected with my friends, or at least I think so.

Recently I had to accept a very sad reality. Not everyone thinks the same way I do. Not everyone wants the friendship to last longer than a 'season of life.' I've had to learn to be ok with that. It still seems weird that there were people I shared life with for a couple years who don't respond back to my emails, notes, or encouraging messages.

So the hard lesson college has taught me is this: not all friendships last forever. I was just really blessed growing up with  like-minded friends who valued mantaining friendships as well. 

So instead of counting the loss, I'm counting my blessings! God has really blessed me to get get to know some people for a season. As that chapter of my life comes to a close and the new one unfolds infront of my very eyes I'm tucking the memories in my heart to treasure and moving forward.

Memories

I think talking about loss last week in class hit a soft spot in my heart I hadn't been aware of was there,



Last night I had a dream the youth group I mentor through went on a camping retreat. We were having a great day full of events, and at the end of the day we were handing out the retreat t-shirts by grade levels. After I went up with my youth girls to get our shirts, I headed back to where I had been standing.

There was my grandma. She smiled at me and started telling me how much she loves me and how proud she is of the young woman I am becoming. She gave me a hug, kissed my check, and told me how much she wished she could have stayed, but said she had to leave. I cried in my dream, and she told me that everything is going to be ok and to keep going in life and doing what i have been doing. Then a gentleman escorted her away.

My grandma passed away when I was in 8th grade. Last week in crisis intervention we talked about loss and were asked to talk about the person we were closest to that passed away. I have been blessed to not have a lot of loved ones pass away thus far in my life, and so that person would be my grandma. While I don't remember much of my younger years, I know I always thought my grandma was such a graceful person. She always made every situation ok, and would sit with us grandchildren and just spend time with us.

I've been thinking about her a lot today. Missing just sitting on the porch eating ice cream. Remembering the easter egg hunt she would have  in her yard. Her positive attitude. I never remember a time my grandma wasn't smiling, even when she was frusterated. She had so much love in her heart it overflowed. And even if she isn't here with me to tell me she is proud of who I am becoming, I know in my heart that if she was able to be here today, she would say what she said in my dream last night.

I don't know why the Lord allows some people to live 100 years and some people to only live in thier 50's. I can't say it makes sense to me, but I know that at the end of the day, God is God. He holds everything in His hands.

Defeat

I've almost come to expect it. Today I walked past a mirror and was reminded, once again, this is what defeat looks like/feels like. I can mask it for a short amount of time, but then it comes like a wave.
I feel the quickness in my chest.
the hardness in my heart
to self-hatred
defeat.

Each time stronger and stronger. The weight heavier and heavier as I battle the war within my mind. My bipolar concious wages war against itself: self-distruction. The more I fight, the more I lose, as each side marks it's territory and tugs at the war within me.  I sometimes wonder what it would feel like to be whole within, oneness within my mind. What it would be like to no longer have a constant war within my limbic system in my brain*.

but even when it hurts, I press on. Defeated, I press on. becaue even if I crawl emotionally cripped through the finish-line of life, i'm going to finish.

*The limbic system is the center for thoughts and emotions in the brain.

A moment Like This

Today I was driving home from work and listening to my "pop" genre on my iPod.

(I need to confess that secular pop is my weakness...)

My favorite song from when I was 15 started playing. It's amazing how quickly I flashed back to a freshman in high school. I remember being so completely boy crazy...I thought I could 'create' romance. I tried to 'create' the perfect moment with this song... it failed. Now that I am wiser and can look back on the bigger picture, I thank God that he didn't let me have what I wanted.

If it takes as long as Rebecca St. James, who just recently engaged, I'll be waiting. 'Creating' the perfect romantic moment always failed. As I watch my friends get married there is one thing I am sure of.

I want what God has for me: Nothing Less, Nothing More.

A day in the life

Today I went to a juvenile correction facility and got to know some absolutely awesome young men. As they shared thier stories, it broke my heart. The majority of these young men grew up without their father, in an enviorment where the majority of the people they know use drugs or abuse alcohol.
A specific young gentleman tugged my heart in a way it's hard to explain. If I was able too, I would have taken him home. After talking with him for over a half hour about Jesus, I asked the young man if he had anything I could pray for him about. He asked me if I could pray he has a family. This young man grew up in foster care, bounced from family to family. His parents are in prison for drugs and he doesn't really know what it's like to be in a family. Needless to say, I started tearing up. No words can explain the compassion that flooded my heart for this young man. I expalined to him that I was there today because I love him and the Lord loves him. I wish I could explain to you what an incredible day I had in the facility getting to know some young men, praying for them, and reminding them the only way to heaven is through Jesus Christ.

Pray for this young man. He is searching out who God is. He was telling me about what he's been reading in the bible and trying to figure out if it's all true. We talked about some of the questions he has been wrestling with. He wasn't ready to commit his life to Jesus Christ. When I asked him what was stopping him from making a commitment he explained that when he makes the decision, he wants to be fully commited. He wants to be completely sold out, and right now he doesn't think he can do that. I tried explaining to him that if he is waiting to be perfect it's never going to happen. In our own strength, we can't do it. We're not good enough. It's only though the Lord we are able to change our lives.

Ode to Tea

Today I'm going to pay tribute to my favorite beverage... TEA.

Did you know tea has antioxidants.

There are many types of teas:

Tea is traditionally classified based on the techniques with which it is produced and processed.[19]

White tea: Wilted and unoxidized

Yellow tea: Unwilted and unoxidized, but allowed to yellow

Green tea: Unwilted and unoxidized

Oolong: Wilted, bruised, and partially oxidized

Black tea: Wilted, sometimes crushed, and fully oxidized

Post-fermented tea: Green tea that has been allowed to ferment/compost

Lastly, here are my three favorite teas, in no particular order <3

 

Trusting Strangers

On wednesday my psychology professor announces that we are doing a class experiment.

Guided Walk: you draw a number, find your partner, and grab a blindfold. One person is blindfolded while their partner guides them around campus for 15 minutes. The would hold onto your arm and give you signals to let you know what was going on. Oh, did I say no talking--- at all.

There are many things I did NOT like about this exercise:

1. I would be blindfold.
2. my partner was a guy whom I did not know.
3. There are stairs involved.
4. My class is during one of the busiest times on campus, lunch time.

I was NOT excited. I really didn't want my parnter to walk me through the cafeteria... but he did.
As I was blindfold, being lead through a crowded cafeteria, and thinking of how dumb and embarrased I felt, God started speaking.

It's like he said "really amanda?" It was a total pride thing, and as soon as he started speaking, I knew I was being rediculous.

As I was being guided through the cafe this is what I learned:
Walk by faith, not by sight. In the same way that I had to trust my partner, is the same way I needed to trust the Lord. He can see the bigger picture, I can not. My partner knew how to best guide me around potential obsticles to a goal he could see. I had to trust that he would guide me correctly, this is the same as the faith I have to place in God. Faith is believing that God is who he says he is, and he will do what he says he will do. We need to trust that God will guide us sucessfully through life.

Half way through the guided walk I got confident and started taking larger strides. In the same way, as we trust God and learn to pay attention to his guidance, we are able to successfully move forward without worry/anxiety. As I listened to the guide, it was easier to trust them. In the same way, the more we learn to trust God, the easier it is to follow where he leads as we trust in HIm.

Will you stay in Midian?

An older woman and I were talking today and she was sharing with me about her recent troubles. She was explaining that her son was like Moses.... just kind of wandering in a desert. As I listened to her explain her son, all I could think of was God did not give up on Moses.

The story of Moses can be reduced to a short little story. "Baby boy get's rescued from death, He kills an Egyptian, He flees Egypt. He spends 40 years in the desert. God calls him back and he leads the entire Hebrew nation out of Egyptian slavery."

While it's all any incredibly amazing miracle, let's focus on one aspect, Moses spent 40 years in the desert... well in Midian. Midian wasn't a short jog across the border. He FLED. 

The part of the story that I haven't been able to get out of my head is that God met Moses where he was. Moses fled Egypt not because he felt like God was telling him to go, but because he feared for his life. God had a definate plan for Moses' life, to lead God's people out of Egypt. He was terrified because he had made a huge mistake. Moses killed a man who he felt was misteating someone and then had to live with the guilt of his actions.

But God was not done with Moses. Despite the 'failure' of Moses, God was still speaking. In the desert, God will still speaking. While leading the people out of Egypt, God is still speaking.

I know sometimes it's easy to run from our mistakes, we all do it. And it's easy to stay in the desert, hiding. I think it's important to note God didn't let Moses stay in the desert, he called him to complete the plans and purpose He has had for Moses' life from the very begining

. 

Even through our insecurities, even dispite our failures, even when we are running from the plan God has for us, God is still speaking. He still has a master plan that we are still asked to partake in. God gave Moses a choice, Lead my people. But the decision to lead was Moses'. Moses could have said No. He could have stayed in the Land of Midian where he had built a new life.

Are you in the desert running? Can you still hear the voice of the Lord directing you?

It's hard to make the choice to stop hiding in the desert, but with help from the Lord, I know you can do it.

And i'm here for you, always. 

<3 Amanda

uploading...

As my homework is working on being submitted, I decided it would be a great moment to share with you my top 5 frustrations of online homework:
1) UPLOADING always seems to take as least 20 minutes, if you are lucky.
2) Errors. Blackboard (Purdue's program of Moodle) likes to wait till you are uploading document 20/20 that has to get grouped together before it proudly announces 'error' forcing you to resend all your information, yet again.
3) the teacher doesn't grade it.
Let's face it, If I was the teacher, I wouldn't too.. I can't even seem to complete any of the last three sections every section in word processing, yet I still recieve 10/10. I have concluded my teacher does not care.
4) Since attendence in the classroom is not manditory, I submit my homework the night before and sleep in. It's true, online homework allows students to be lazy and skip class as much as they want.
5) pointless assignments. Because the teacher does not care, nor grade, every assignment feels completely pointless. What is the meaning of wasting my time doing hours upon hours of time-consuming work for it to be published and never viewed by the prof.

I conclude my random thoughts with this:
I can not wait to graduate. My brain is worn out from all this nonsense.

-Amanda
p.s. I promise to not be so negative next post... <3

These are a few of my favorite things....

*all photos courtesy of Google.

I am SOOO VERY excited about my upcoming trip to MN.

I have to be honest though, I am REALLY nervous! It's been since September 2009... that's a LONG TIME!! But I'm trusting the Lord that it will be an awesome time of catching up with people I love! It will be surreal to be on campus again. It sometimes feels like my first two years of college was an incrediblely amazing dream I had. But then I look at pictures and have phone dates that remind me the people I know are real.

I bet I don't even make sense right now. I think it's time for bed <3

On my mind..

I'm sure it doesn't come as to big of a suprise... I have babies on the brain!

How precious are these little gifts of life that bless our world every single day! Before you freak out I just want to clarify that I am NOT pregnant, and it is physically impossible to be so.

I'm really enjoying this stage of life I am in - being able to watch my newly married/ married for awhile  friends become pregnant and have little ones.

About two months ago, My mentor and her husband brought a beautiful baby girl into the world, and what a joy Lily is to be around! I am so very blessed that Steph and Jeff allow me to be apart of their lives! Lily was is the youngest, smallest baby I have ever held! Since then her little toes, fingers, and body have been growing bigger each day! She's smiling, laughing, and continues to learn at a super quick rate. Last week I stopped by and she recognized my voice! It was such a precious moment! I thought about it all week "she knows me!" I wish I could describe for you how that touches my heart <3

So here I am, 1:00 am smiling with pure joy while thinking about the little blessings God gives the world! I'm wondering what my friend's babies are going to be like when they grow up, what God-given talents he has placed in them, and what plans God has in store for them. I am so very honored to be able to pray for these precious children and their mommy's and daddy's!

I have so much joy knowing that I am able to bless others by supporting them, praying for them, and encouraging them in this new stage of their life, parenthood.

This post is dedicated to:

*Jeff and Steph

*Sean and Francine

*Tim and Sarah

and all the other parents in the world!

Peace that passes all understanding

It hurts me to know others are hurting. Today was a really hard day for my high school friends who knew Ryan, who took his own life a year ago. It's hard to know what to say in a situation when words are simply not enough to comfort the broken heart of another. Loss is a very tricky subject, because everyone grieves differently, experience it differently, and are affected by it differently.

Peace that passes all understanding- I hear a lot of people pray these words often-probably because they took it striaght from the bible.  But today I actually took the time to think about the implication of this phrase.

Peace.
Even when we can't understand. When we can't comprehend how peace came to be, when we in our own power can not will ourselves to be peaceful, peace.
An inner calm.

This is my prayer for my teenagers today who are hurting

---That you may have peace that passes all understanding.----

In loving memory of Ryan Trost

 whom I did not know-but from many stories I've heard in the last year he was a talented, adored person who is loved and missed by many.

Glitter, sparkles, and all things girly

I started planning out my outfits the night before and must say, it definately makes looking adorable in the mornings much easier to do! (that, and showering at night so I have more time to do my hair. I'm not a super GIRLY girl... most people know this. But lately I have really enjoyed dressing up more than usual. It's probably due to my sincere liking for Cato's Fashion (a little store in my town). Either that or the 10 lb. weight loss, that's always a boost of confidence!

But I am pleased to say tomorrow, despite being in the 30's... I fully intend on wearing my FAVE. light blue skirt to work! We have to dress up anyway, and my work pants are feeling very boring after the winter wardrobe blues.
YAY SKIRTS!

Thank you Katie

Love Came Down

A friend posted this link on Facebook, and since I am up with a sprained ankle, I figured I would listen.
God always knows what we need....


Wrestling with your faith is HARD. I want to believe that despite my constant failures, my inconsistent love, and my fear of what would happen if I really knew God- He still loves me.

It's hard to feel worthy of a God who knows all. But I keep reminding myself, it's the beauty of His grace. He doesn't give us what we deserve, eternal punishment. He offers us an 'out'-which only requires to do the one thing hardest for the human race- to give up control of our own lives to Him and trust.

Faith- trusting that God is who He says He is and He will do what He has promised to do.

Photo:Courtesy of Google Images